Who really has the Power?

I went out for dinner with my colleagues last night and like many conversations, the topic of relationships came up. We discussed a theory I hadn’t thought about before- the shift in the balance of power between men and women and how it changes over time.

Let me explain...

When you’re a teenager or in your early 20’s, girls have all the power. They head to night clubs dressed in little bits of material accompanied by a whole lot of skin. At the beach they’re in little shorts and a bikini top, and while it shouldn’t be done, teens are arguably the only ones who can get away with a mini skirt and ugg boot combination in the middle of winter. Team this with a young man’s raging hormones and their ultimate desire to prove their worth to the ‘wolf pack’ and boys are like putty in a girl’s hand.

Exit your mid 20’s and begin heading towards the frightening 3-0 and all of a sudden the shift of power changes. Single women begin thinking about life partners and subconsciously their biological clock starts ticking a little louder than before. Women are now on the offensive, attacking eligible bachelors like a prey of lions feasting on a carcase. And while women play survival of the fittest, men are discovering just what a hot commodity they really are. Suddenly the pool of ‘potentials’ becomes bigger as men ponder on the options of older, younger or similar aged women? By this stage in a man’s life, the pimples have gone, scrawny bodies have filled out nicely and there is plenty of money in the world to be made.

When you become a thirty-something woman, the power can shift one of two ways. As I’m still in my 20’s, this information has come via hearsay and I cannot prove its accuracy. However, I’ve been told that if you’re married and have a child then you’ve gained the power back, and by power I mean sex. “Honey, I wouldn’t be so tired at the end of the day if you helped with the washing” or “I don’t even have time for myself anymore yet alone pleasing you”. Children, a mortgage, household duties and maintaining romance are key ingredients used to make the delicate cocktail called ‘married life’.

So, say you’re not married or in a committed relationship at thirty-something...have you reached your expiry date? I’d hate to think that was the way I felt in my 30’s, but observing society as they walk the streets, dine in restaurants or go about their everyday activities, I can understand how women can form a complex. Single, attractive and successful men in their mid to late 30’s are like gold. Most of the good ones are either married, gay or dating someone who resembles your former, fabulous twenty-something self. In this instance, men have regained the power.

So what comes next? You’re in your 40’s, either single, married or considering signing up to an online dating site. Once you reach this age bracket, do both sexes wave the white flag and call a truce? I mean, if you’ve reached 40 and have spent the past 20 years looking for that special someone without any success, aren’t you just tired of looking and ready to get off the dating merry-go-round? That ride can be exhausting, even for a wide-eyed and hopeful young lady like me.

I’d like to think that in 30 years time I can look back on this post and laugh. Laugh at how young women, including myself worried about things we really can’t control- love being the first thing that springs to mind. Laugh at how this theory on gender and the shift of power was all wrong. And laugh knowing that if we’re confident, comfortable and happy individuals, then we’ll always have the ultimate power, no matter the circumstance!

Generation "Y Not?"

As I perused my local newspaper last week, I came across an opinion column discussing the differences in how dating has changed over the generations, specifically the methods adopted by those in the always controversial Generation Y.

Generation Y is comprised of people born between 1982 and 2003. Unfortunately for me, the content of my handbag blatantly proves where I fit, with my mobile phone, ipod, and laptop constantly weighing me down. Gen Y for better or worse are obsessed with the immediacy of information and have no problem being contacted through social networking mediums 24/7.

My generation represents the good and the bad associated with growing up in a technologically advanced and ever changing world. In school, we copied information off whiteboards and projection screens as opposed to blackboards or through the dying art of dictation. We have shrugged off the humble spelling bee for alternatives such as the iphone application Words With Friends and forget about a paperback. "What's that?" many nowadays would ask? Instead, we'd much rather watch something on our TV, computer, phone, ipad or Kindle!

The article Dating Before Facebook written by radio host Jules Schiller, focused on how dating methods have advanced from the 80’s and into the new millennium.

I recently met someone who just ‘clicked’ with me and during our Skye conversation the other night I subconsciously found myself scanning Facebook for any additional information I could find- secretly hoping their profile had loose privacy settings in place. While failing to unearth anything incriminating, shocking or off-putting, I later sat there a little stunned at my actions. The fact that the instant my new friend divulged their surname, I was online faster than I could blink made me question the way we (GenY) communicate, and whether or not social media has in fact hindered our ability to converse the old fashioned way?

I ask: "when was the last time you heard of someone going out on a blind date?" If I'm being honest, I don't really think they even exist anymore. Besides, if we Google our own names, why wouldn't we do the same for a potential date? At least we know what we're getting ourselves in for, right? And while speed dating could perhaps fall under this category, you can now filter your options. For instance, when I was working in London, my local bar ran speed-dating nights, specific to the ‘type’ of person you were looking for. Being a city bar, there was a night for young professionals, one for those of an Indian background and another for the Black community. An efficient way of dating if you know exactly what you’re looking for, but as I watched from the sidelines as the participants awkwardly communicated, I wondered if the art of dating had turned into less of a spontaneous act and more of a calculated experiment?

Dating in the 80’s would have presented obstacles which don’t really exist today. If every time a guy wanted to talk to me he had to call the house phone and in turn face the fear of my dad answering or question whether my sisters were secretly listening on the other end of the line, things would have been very different. Would relationships progress slower than they do today if we didn't have the ability to text, instant message or call someone with complete privacy at any time of the day or night? With the fast-paced lives of today’s society, it’s almost as if we substitute physical dates with our ability to keep in contact with others via an electronic device. In saying all that, knowing how easy and quick it is to send a simple text message and still not hearing from a guy is enough to make a girl go crazy!

Yet with all things in life, there is a yin to this seemingly unappealing yang. Almost every week I hear a story of two strangers who have found love thanks to the help of the internet. Nowadays, distance is no obstacle with programs such as Skype, which allow us to talk and see our loved ones for free! Even as a technologically savvy youth, I am still amazed by how it all works and in my eyes it is one of the greatest gifts to come from this medium. We must also acknowledge the realm of online dating, bringing people from seemingly unrelated worlds together. When you've exhausted all options in your small country town, local city bar or workplace, the internet allows us to meet people from walks of life we would never venture to on our own.

As easy as finding love and communicating through technology may be, I think it also makes it harder to move on once a relationship turns sour. Remain friends with them on Facebook and you'll be subjected to status updates you may not really want to hear, such as: "John is now in a relationship", or "Jane is having dinner at (enter local, romantic, dimly lit restaurant) with Jack". I've seen such status' affect my friends who are still not quite over their ex's and I wonder how much easier life would be if they just never knew?

While writing this post, the romantic in me has been bursting to come out. It's all well and good to have an extensive catalogue of ways to meet people and communicate, but I fear that on some level romance is being forgotten. Do people ever have those sliding door moments anymore? That chance encounter with someone new while travelling on a bus route you don’t usually catch or in the coffee line at a different café? And let’s not forget the humble hand-written letter. People can argue with me all they like, but an email or text message just isn’t the same or nearly as personal.

I think the real challenge Generation Y face is to find the balance between new school and old school methods of finding love. If we are able to step back at times and recognise that there are other, often better ways of dating which don’t include a technological device, then I think more of us would be in the position where we could potentially have our cake and eat it too...and let’s be honest, who doesn’t like cake?

Album Of The Month...

Maxwell BLACKsummers' night

1. Phoenix Rise

2. Playing Possum

3. Help Somebody

4. Fistful of Tears

5. Stop the World

6. Love You

7. Pretty Wings

8. Cold

9. Bad Habits