Who really has the Power?

I went out for dinner with my colleagues last night and like many conversations, the topic of relationships came up. We discussed a theory I hadn’t thought about before- the shift in the balance of power between men and women and how it changes over time.

Let me explain...

When you’re a teenager or in your early 20’s, girls have all the power. They head to night clubs dressed in little bits of material accompanied by a whole lot of skin. At the beach they’re in little shorts and a bikini top, and while it shouldn’t be done, teens are arguably the only ones who can get away with a mini skirt and ugg boot combination in the middle of winter. Team this with a young man’s raging hormones and their ultimate desire to prove their worth to the ‘wolf pack’ and boys are like putty in a girl’s hand.

Exit your mid 20’s and begin heading towards the frightening 3-0 and all of a sudden the shift of power changes. Single women begin thinking about life partners and subconsciously their biological clock starts ticking a little louder than before. Women are now on the offensive, attacking eligible bachelors like a prey of lions feasting on a carcase. And while women play survival of the fittest, men are discovering just what a hot commodity they really are. Suddenly the pool of ‘potentials’ becomes bigger as men ponder on the options of older, younger or similar aged women? By this stage in a man’s life, the pimples have gone, scrawny bodies have filled out nicely and there is plenty of money in the world to be made.

When you become a thirty-something woman, the power can shift one of two ways. As I’m still in my 20’s, this information has come via hearsay and I cannot prove its accuracy. However, I’ve been told that if you’re married and have a child then you’ve gained the power back, and by power I mean sex. “Honey, I wouldn’t be so tired at the end of the day if you helped with the washing” or “I don’t even have time for myself anymore yet alone pleasing you”. Children, a mortgage, household duties and maintaining romance are key ingredients used to make the delicate cocktail called ‘married life’.

So, say you’re not married or in a committed relationship at thirty-something...have you reached your expiry date? I’d hate to think that was the way I felt in my 30’s, but observing society as they walk the streets, dine in restaurants or go about their everyday activities, I can understand how women can form a complex. Single, attractive and successful men in their mid to late 30’s are like gold. Most of the good ones are either married, gay or dating someone who resembles your former, fabulous twenty-something self. In this instance, men have regained the power.

So what comes next? You’re in your 40’s, either single, married or considering signing up to an online dating site. Once you reach this age bracket, do both sexes wave the white flag and call a truce? I mean, if you’ve reached 40 and have spent the past 20 years looking for that special someone without any success, aren’t you just tired of looking and ready to get off the dating merry-go-round? That ride can be exhausting, even for a wide-eyed and hopeful young lady like me.

I’d like to think that in 30 years time I can look back on this post and laugh. Laugh at how young women, including myself worried about things we really can’t control- love being the first thing that springs to mind. Laugh at how this theory on gender and the shift of power was all wrong. And laugh knowing that if we’re confident, comfortable and happy individuals, then we’ll always have the ultimate power, no matter the circumstance!

Generation "Y Not?"

As I perused my local newspaper last week, I came across an opinion column discussing the differences in how dating has changed over the generations, specifically the methods adopted by those in the always controversial Generation Y.

Generation Y is comprised of people born between 1982 and 2003. Unfortunately for me, the content of my handbag blatantly proves where I fit, with my mobile phone, ipod, and laptop constantly weighing me down. Gen Y for better or worse are obsessed with the immediacy of information and have no problem being contacted through social networking mediums 24/7.

My generation represents the good and the bad associated with growing up in a technologically advanced and ever changing world. In school, we copied information off whiteboards and projection screens as opposed to blackboards or through the dying art of dictation. We have shrugged off the humble spelling bee for alternatives such as the iphone application Words With Friends and forget about a paperback. "What's that?" many nowadays would ask? Instead, we'd much rather watch something on our TV, computer, phone, ipad or Kindle!

The article Dating Before Facebook written by radio host Jules Schiller, focused on how dating methods have advanced from the 80’s and into the new millennium.

I recently met someone who just ‘clicked’ with me and during our Skye conversation the other night I subconsciously found myself scanning Facebook for any additional information I could find- secretly hoping their profile had loose privacy settings in place. While failing to unearth anything incriminating, shocking or off-putting, I later sat there a little stunned at my actions. The fact that the instant my new friend divulged their surname, I was online faster than I could blink made me question the way we (GenY) communicate, and whether or not social media has in fact hindered our ability to converse the old fashioned way?

I ask: "when was the last time you heard of someone going out on a blind date?" If I'm being honest, I don't really think they even exist anymore. Besides, if we Google our own names, why wouldn't we do the same for a potential date? At least we know what we're getting ourselves in for, right? And while speed dating could perhaps fall under this category, you can now filter your options. For instance, when I was working in London, my local bar ran speed-dating nights, specific to the ‘type’ of person you were looking for. Being a city bar, there was a night for young professionals, one for those of an Indian background and another for the Black community. An efficient way of dating if you know exactly what you’re looking for, but as I watched from the sidelines as the participants awkwardly communicated, I wondered if the art of dating had turned into less of a spontaneous act and more of a calculated experiment?

Dating in the 80’s would have presented obstacles which don’t really exist today. If every time a guy wanted to talk to me he had to call the house phone and in turn face the fear of my dad answering or question whether my sisters were secretly listening on the other end of the line, things would have been very different. Would relationships progress slower than they do today if we didn't have the ability to text, instant message or call someone with complete privacy at any time of the day or night? With the fast-paced lives of today’s society, it’s almost as if we substitute physical dates with our ability to keep in contact with others via an electronic device. In saying all that, knowing how easy and quick it is to send a simple text message and still not hearing from a guy is enough to make a girl go crazy!

Yet with all things in life, there is a yin to this seemingly unappealing yang. Almost every week I hear a story of two strangers who have found love thanks to the help of the internet. Nowadays, distance is no obstacle with programs such as Skype, which allow us to talk and see our loved ones for free! Even as a technologically savvy youth, I am still amazed by how it all works and in my eyes it is one of the greatest gifts to come from this medium. We must also acknowledge the realm of online dating, bringing people from seemingly unrelated worlds together. When you've exhausted all options in your small country town, local city bar or workplace, the internet allows us to meet people from walks of life we would never venture to on our own.

As easy as finding love and communicating through technology may be, I think it also makes it harder to move on once a relationship turns sour. Remain friends with them on Facebook and you'll be subjected to status updates you may not really want to hear, such as: "John is now in a relationship", or "Jane is having dinner at (enter local, romantic, dimly lit restaurant) with Jack". I've seen such status' affect my friends who are still not quite over their ex's and I wonder how much easier life would be if they just never knew?

While writing this post, the romantic in me has been bursting to come out. It's all well and good to have an extensive catalogue of ways to meet people and communicate, but I fear that on some level romance is being forgotten. Do people ever have those sliding door moments anymore? That chance encounter with someone new while travelling on a bus route you don’t usually catch or in the coffee line at a different café? And let’s not forget the humble hand-written letter. People can argue with me all they like, but an email or text message just isn’t the same or nearly as personal.

I think the real challenge Generation Y face is to find the balance between new school and old school methods of finding love. If we are able to step back at times and recognise that there are other, often better ways of dating which don’t include a technological device, then I think more of us would be in the position where we could potentially have our cake and eat it too...and let’s be honest, who doesn’t like cake?

Album Of The Month...

Maxwell BLACKsummers' night

1. Phoenix Rise

2. Playing Possum

3. Help Somebody

4. Fistful of Tears

5. Stop the World

6. Love You

7. Pretty Wings

8. Cold

9. Bad Habits

Stop. Look. Listen.

It's easy to be offended when a person you're just getting to know sits in front of you and with all the best intentions, provides their own analysis on your life decisions. By decisions, I mean them questioning why you work so much, why you refuse to wear track pants and ugg boots out in public or why you're so standoffish when it comes to men? Naturally, we're all likely to go into defence mode and without a moments hesitation begin justifying ourselves to someone who may not even be worth the time or energy? However, as I discovered a few days ago, sometimes waving the white flag and listening to what they have to say can be a liberating and insightful journey.

I think we can all become a little deluded at how others perceive us- especially upon a first encounter. Confidence can be misinterpreted as arrogance and similarly friendliness for flirtiness or shyness for disinterest, despite our intentions to project something quite different. Of course it's easy to argue that you're new acquaintance is firing judgement with no prior understanding of your life or circumstances, but when it happened to me the other day it got me thinking. If this was his opinion, than could it be others too?

Women often wonder why they attract the same type of guy or why their friends are all inherently the same? Could it be that we send a message to strangers without even knowing it? Just like most women, I've been hurt by men before and although I have forgiven some of their actions I will never forget the way I felt in those moments of madness and heartache. Have these experiences made me hesitant when trying to get to know someone new? Before my conversation with my new friend I would have said no, but now I'm starting to wonder...?

I suppose my conclusion to this experience is that sometimes we find ourselves reaching a place in our lives where it's easy and relatively comfortable to become complacent. The trouble with complacency is that it becomes increasingly more difficult to stop yourself unless someone brings unhealthy behaviour to your attention. Could we all take a little advice from someone who barely knows us? All I know is that sometimes someone special can make you sit back and think "maybe track suit pants aren't that bad after all".

: 25 Things...

To those who know me best, it's no secret I'm a list junkie.

I’d like to say it serves a specific purpose and is solely used to accommodate my ridiculously busy life, but truth be told, I’m just an organisational freak.

One of the many lists I have is one called “25 Things To Do Before 25”.

This is my version of what many call a Bucket List, except in my case I’m working on a specific timeframe rather than an entire lifetime. My thinking is, since no one knows when their final day will come, the excuse “I’ll do it later in life” bares no relevance so why not start ticking things off now?

I find lists are tangible and when goals are written out on paper they almost become part of a contract with yourself rather than a thought or figment of the imagination.

I’m turning 24 this year, so I have just under 18 months to complete 25 things which scare, challenge and excite me.

When I was 18, I remember writing a list of things to do before I turned 21, originally thinking those 4 years would last forever. Then, in the blink of an eye I had finished uni, was planning to travel around the world and just like that, time had passed. There were unfortunately a couple of items on that list which remained incomplete, but they’ve just advanced onto another list.

One rainy London afternoon I decided to relive my travel adventures by reading my journal, when I came across the list I made at the sheltered age of 18. As I read through the goals I had set for myself 6 years ago, and couldn’t help but laugh. The truth was, I was a little dumbfounded at the fact that at one stage of my life, I had considered those goals a big challenge. Maybe it was maturity, life experience or simply the fact I had grown as a person, that made me see things in a different light? It was an interesting personal analysis, and the facts were written out right in front of me. It was like seeing myself grow in words rather than pictures.

So with all that being said, the point of this post was to say that I’m currently in the process of ticking off number 17. Albeit the easiest item on the list, number 17 is to watch all 7 seasons of Sex and the City. While I’d like to excuse this indulgence as a necessary resource in developing my relationship skills, the truth is it’s nothing more than a guilty pleasure...

Fashion Indulgence...

Ladies of the world…

If you’re anything like me, your favourite section in a trashy gossip or fashion magazine is the collage of must-have items and celebrity outfits.

The “Under $100” lists always get me a little bit excited and the “runway to everyday” comparisons offer inspired options for those of us on a budget or earning less than the likes of Angelina Jolie and Gisele Bundchen.

So, imagine my excitement when I discovered the website WHOWHATWEAR.

Finally I had found a source that offered me all the things I loved most about fashion magazines in one location.

For those of us in Australia, this site is a great sneak peak into the latest fashion trends overseas, most of which will hit our shores later in the year. And, if you’re keen to hit next season with a wardrobe ready to go, then the site provides affordable alternatives through online shopping resources.

Whether you’re looking for a daily fashion fix, a reason to hold off on writing that essay or simply some much needed inspiration, then I encourage you to loose yourself in the treasures of WHOWHATWEAR.




[an example of what you'll find...]



Muse Of The Moment...

Kate Moss.

She's a woman after my own heart.

A woman who loves to wear black!

While Kate Moss' life choices have more often than not been questionable, her wardrobe decisions have landed her countless magazine covers and put her at the top of many peoples style icon list, including my own.

For those like me with a wardrobe overflowing with black pieces, Moss proves it can be made to look chic rather than rocker.

 

Going Goo Goo For Gaga

Last night Lady Gaga's Monster Ball Tour was broadcast on television, and since I was overseas on her Australian leg of the tour, it was a couple of hours of TV I didn't want to miss.

Gaga has critics, haters and legions of people who simply just 'don't get her' and therefore are afraid of what she stands for and represents. While watching the show with my mum and sisters, I couldn't help but cringe a little as I saw my mum's reaction when 2 of her male dancers ended a song with a passionate kiss, and then every time she grabbed her crotch, thrusting it against props on stage while swearing like a sailor mum's face turned blank in disbelief.

Love her or hate her, Gaga is as theatrical a performer as we're likely to see in my generation. First there was Cher, then Madonna and now Gaga has taken the title of crazy.

What I think is important to note however, is her message behind the crazy. I think Gaga's lyrics in the song Born This Way sums it up best...

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret

Just love yourself and you're set

I'm on the right track baby

I was born this way

Her message to everyone that you're born perfect is a powerful one and in a world where appearance and perception rules, Gaga is a fresh and influential celebrity for our youth to look up to. She's loved by gay communities around the world and her fan base is vast, from the Western World to the Middle East.

I remember the first time I saw Lady Gaga perform. It was at the 2008 Miss Universe Pageant and the exact thought that crossed my mind while watching her was "this chick's going to be a one-hit wonder!" Little did I know that behind the auto-tuning and wig was an amazing voice and an artist who would set the bench mark for outstanding live performances across any musical genre.

Had Gaga lived a charmed life and a relatively easy road to stardom, similar to the likes of the Christina Aguilera and Brittany Spears' of the world, then I believe her music, passion and x-factor quality wouldn't be as powerful as it is. Rejection can be the greatest motivation of all and Gaga continuously encourages her fans to never give up on their dreams and to never let others tell you you're not good enough.

I wonder though, when the day will come that Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta (Lady Gaga) will emerge from behind the make-up, costumes and outrageous accessories and walk the street in a pair of sweatpants and a tshirt? Unfortunately, that day will likely be the end of the fantasy and alas the end of Gaga herself.

Yet, despite the crazy, anyone who promotes self love and confidence in whatever art form it comes is welcome in my world any day!

Album Of The Month...

Alicia Keys The Element Of Freedom

1. The Element Of Freedom (Intro)

2. Love Is Blind

3. Doesn’t Mean Anything

4. Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart

5. Wait Til They See My Smile

6. That’s How Strong My Love Is

7. Unthinkable (I’m Ready)

8. Love Is My Disease

9. Like The Sea

10. Put It In A Love Song feat. Beyoncé Knowles

11. This Bed

12. Distance And Time

13. How It Feels To Fly

14. Empire State Of Mind (Part II)

Coming To A Stage Near You...

Working in the Entertainment/Catering industry, I am fortunate enough to see all the big-name music artists from Australia and abroad take the stage in front of sold-out audiences.

I've seen the best and the worst performances going around. I've met the divas and the down-to-earth celebrities. I've seen lip syncing at it's best, all the cliches associated with 'sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll' and even a few backstage tantrums to boot. Seeing glimpses of concerts every week, my standards of a truly amazing live show are impecably high and as a result, I've found the list of artists I'd love to see perform reduced to a humble few.

Among the elite (in my mind at least) are soul/RnB singers Sade and John Legend. So, imagine my disbelief when I discoverd that they were not only touring...but touring together! Then, imagine my disappointment when I realised they were only doing 2 shows, both of which were interstate and sold out! What's a girl to do?

Learn from my experience and sign yourself up to your local ticketing website or favourite artists official site for regular tour updates and even pre-sale tickets. Trust me, you'll kick yourself if you don't and later find you've missed out!

Guilty Pleasures...

I believe that everyone should be allowed at least one guilty pleasure when it comes to reality TV. A free pass where no matter how bad or pathetic the show may be, you can watch it free of criticism and without anyone placing judgement on the level of your IQ.

For me, I’m all things Kardashian! I know that those ladies don’t wake-up looking as fabulous as they are, but rather spend hours in a chair getting pampered and preened before they step out in front of the cameras. Still, despite the scripted scenes and charmed life created through perfect editing...I’m hooked!

For me it’s equally as much about the fashion as it is the envious lifestyles they lead. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be famous for simply being famous? If people were paying me thousands of dollars to show up to a movie premier in a designer anything, I’d be in!

With all that being said, I’m waiting in anticipation for my dear friend to start downloading the new episodes of Khloe and Lamar, because let’s face it, who wouldn’t want to watch people that own a shoe collection like this...

Some Days...

Some days have the ability to take your breath away. Like when you receive an unexpected delivery of flowers to your office. Discovering that the dress you bought online fits like a glove, or the moment when you exchange a smile with a stranger and immediately feel all warm and gooey inside.

Other days you’re just a winner! There’s an empty parking spot right near the supermarket door. Your run into work during peak hour is flawless and hassle free. Your local barrister sees you coming from a distance and before you’ve even paid, has your coffee waiting on the counter.

There are days when you feel like the world is against you. That no matter what you do or how much you try, you just can’t seem to catch a break. You arrive at the office only to notice a huge run in your stockings and the friends you’ve planned to have dinner with that night suddenly cancel on you.
Then there are days like today. Just as things seem to be travelling along nicely, you get blind sighted by someone you truly care about and suddenly feel like you’re gasping for air. That one little piece of information had the ability to change your mood, make you lose concentration, suddenly not feel hungry and put this awful feeling in the pit of your stomach that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t shake.

So, what’s on my ‘bounce-back’ menu?

Entree: Out the office door at 5pm and into the city for some retail therapy.
Main: A delicious dinner with some of my closest girlfriends for a catch up on life, love and everything in between, and finally
Dessert: A scented candle, a glossy magazine and the piece-of-mind that tomorrow morning I can sleep-in.

I'll let you know if it's a menu worth repeating...

A Pretty Piece Of Reading...

They say it's bad to judge a book by it's cover, but in this case I encourage you to do so!

I recently came across a collection of classic novels which Penguin has breathed new life into with a stunning set of freshly and contemporary covers. Acclaimed designer Coralie Bickford-Smith has created a range of book jackets which are sure to make even those with limited reading enthusiasm heading down to their nearest Borders.

"The challenge is to entice a new audience to the literature and also to not alienate die-hard fans," says Bickford-Smith.

The London-based designer chose Victorian-style cloth bindings that feature stamped patterns pointed to each book's content. "I want these books to be cherished like the literature inside." she says.

Whether you're looking for a gift for the person who has everything or simply a beautiful addition to your bookshelf, these collections are hard to beat and I for one have added them to my 'must have' list.

Fashion Forward...

"fashion is what you're offered four times a year.

style is what you pick out of that fashion"

I saw this quote the other day, and as I read it I found myself in one of those moments where you say an 'a-ha' to yourself. To me, that quote perfectly describes and distinguishes the people who have the ability to throw together ordinary pieces of clothing and make them look fabulous, from those who no matter how hard they try consistently get the 'committment to achieve' award. That's the one you get at school which in a nice way says "we know you try 10 times harder and do more homework than the smart kids, but I still can't give you an A" award. Trust me, for two years I stubbornly persisted with Legal Studies at school, even deciding to do it in my senior year because I was sure that taking down an entire folder of notes would help me recite half the Australian Constitution. It didn't, but my reward at the end of the year was not academic recognition, but rather the consolation of a 'Committment to Achieve' award.
My sister is one of those girls who can walk into a shop and pick up items you personally can't help but screw your nose up at while thinking to yourself "what on earth is she going to do with that?" Yet, somehow she manages to pick ordinary looking pieces, mix them with something she found at an op-shop, accessorise a little and wa-la an amazing outfit is born. Her style is very different to mine, and I probably wouldn't wear half the things she does, but almost every morning before I leave for work I look at her outfit choice with a nod of approval.

Anyway, my point is that not everyone has style and more often than not, it can't be taught. Why do you think so many celebrities have stylists or why women the world over can't seem to get enough of glossy magazines? We all have fashion muses who's style we try to emulate in our own 'non-designer' brand way, but sometimes I wonder how much of what celebrities wear did they actually pick out themselves? Even celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Rachael Zoe, who began their careers as a stylists to the stars (before they became one), now have people sifting through racks of designer clothes and shortlisting the items most suited to them.

One thing I've learnt from my sister though, is that the most important accessory to any outfit is the confidence in which you wear it. And on that note, the only person who's opinion really matters- is your own!

Becoming Somebody...

I was working with a friend of mine a few weeks ago when we began talking about the future and how life never turns out the way you had planned. My friend was facing a slight dilemma about his ‘next move’, when all of a sudden the spotlight shone on me when he came out with "...you know what Nat, I always thought you'd be somebody by now!"

In an awkward silence, I stood there for a second, wondering which way I should take his comment? After processing what had just been said, I slowly found myself somewhat agreeing with him. I was the girl who thrived at school and surpassed many people’s expectations. For me, it was easy because I had goals and I knew what direction I was heading in. Then I graduated and went off to uni- naturally the next step in my eyes, and although I didn't particularly enjoy it, I ticked that box too. From there I decided to go on a once in a lifetime trip where I travelled Europe and the United States for 9 months, before living in London for a further 9. Then, after 18 months away I returned home only to wish I was doing it all over again. That is where I am today. I've been back for 6 months now and I'm well on my way to lining up all my ducks so I can do it again soon.

When I went through and formed this timeline in my mind, I realised that I literally had no time to 'become somebody' in the 23 years of my life so far. Yet still, as much as this reality made sense, I still somehow found myself being a little underwhelmed with what I had done to date. Crazy, I know! In many ways, I’m my own worst enemy. I have impossibly high standards of myself and strive everyday to add to the ‘bigger picture’ of my life’s journey.

Perhaps it’s arrogant to say, but when I was younger, particularly on the day of my year 12 graduation, I honestly thought I was different, that one day I’d 'be somebody'? By 'somebody' I didn’t mean famous, but rather that I would achieve things or have a career that stood out. That in itself is a fallacy.
I also remember at graduation promising myself that I’d never work in a job I didn’t love. I admired my parents who both loved their careers and took that component of happiness and translated it into creating a great home and family. I could never understand those people who complained everyday about their job but had no intention of changing it. If life in London taught me one thing, it’s that people can withstand almost any situation if it provides security. Security financially, in a relationship, in a social environment, in just about anything. I never thought I’d face the day when I’d wake-up and drag my butt to a job I ended up hating, but in the midst of a recession and with bills to pay, my choices were limited and I served myself a big bowl of “suck it up soup”.

Looking back on that experience now, and I can honestly say it was a pivotal experience in helping me ‘become somebody’. I may not find my place in the world or my passion in life for another 5, 10 or 20 years, but that in itself is part of the journey. If my quest is to live an extraordinary life, then it will be extraordinary according to no one else but me!